just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
