Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
