dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
