I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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