I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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