So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
