she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
