I just saw a hot homeless man
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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