Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i think my cat just said my name.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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