i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
