I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
