Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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