I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
