Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
