May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
