Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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