my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
