I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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