My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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