so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
