Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
