I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize