apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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