I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
