Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
