Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
