remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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