Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
