i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
