if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
