she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
