Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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