he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
smell my finger.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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