I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The feeling are messing with the penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
