He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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