plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
