Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
