i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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