I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
