if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
