Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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