Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
