call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
