He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
