thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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