if only i could text you this smell
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
