your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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