we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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