I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
