Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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